As I have a lovely case of shingles, I have rarely been out of the house lately. However, on the occasion of my baby’s 18th birthday, I stepped out to dinner with my wonderful family at a nice quaint Italian restaurant. I was nervous before dinner because I have been having a little more than normal anxiety due to some medicine I now take. I was so pleasantly surprised with how it all went. My family and some close friends gathered together around a long thin table. We shared some delicious meals. We drank some delightful wines. We laughed and reminisced and planned for the future. We shared heartfelt wishes and gestures of true affection. Some of us shed tears. Okay, just me, but there were tears. In total, it was a perfect night. After reviewing the evening and my circumstance of late, I have decided that I just may be the luckiest person alive.
The dinner for my daughter Bridget last Saturday night, in my estimation, was an encapsulation of all that is my life over the last four years. It has been about my children becoming adults and growing into the men and women they are going to be. It has been about family bonds strengthening and friendships blooming. It has been about goals being met and a few risks being taken. It has been about accomplishment and elation mixed with just a little bit of sadness and defeat. Suffice it to say, these last four years have been about a whole lot of life happening around and to me.
I wish you could have looked around that table with me last Saturday night. I wish you could have resided in my heart for just a minute to feel the truest and deepest of loves. I wish you could have touched and toasted and tuned into the complete satisfaction I felt that night. It was a feeling of joy. There is no other way to describe it. I felt whole, simply complete.
I have had my dreams come true. How many people can actually say that at my age or any age? I have a loving marriage. I have three incredible children who are genuinely good smart people. I have supportive friends. I have a job that keeps me thinking and active. I have a warm home and a bit of health. I am privileged enough to enjoy great food and fine wine. I have the ability to pay for luxuries like manicures and pedicures. I spend weeks at the beach each year soaking in the sun. What’s more, I can see how exquisite my life is. I realize how superb my life is right now, in the moment. I saw it all before my eyes on Saturday night! I am so lucky.
My children will say that of late I cry a lot. They are correct. The tears, though, are not of sadness. They are tears that spill out because I cannot contain within me all of the love that has been granted to and experienced by me over these last forty-nine years. I hold inside such big, huge feelings. It looks like those feelings are coming out in tears. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Although it does not do wonders for my looks, it does wonders for my heart. On their way out, the tears remind me of the love they represent. It is true, love hurts. But that’s okay. I am so lucky to have loved enough to have the chance to feel that profoundly. So, I guess it’s true what they say. You do get what you’ve wished for. I wished for love!
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